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Response To A Mother Who Just Learned Her Daughter Is Gay

Be patient, not only with her, but with yourselves as parents. It’s OK to be upset, concerned, frightened, and worried about the ‘eternal consequences’ of what is happening to your family. Some of your brightest hopes and dreams for your child will need to be adjusted if you are to remain close to her. But really, all those hopes and dreams boil down to this: you want your daughter to have a happy, fulfilling life. And trust those of us who know… she really can. I think the chances of that increase greatly when we accept our true nature and then make the most of what we have been given.

One day, you may well learn that it was a great gift not only to your daughter, but to you, that she is gay. There are things as parents that you will only be able to fully learn by having this experience. Sometimes I think we gay ones are not the ones being tested at all — no, we’re the great test of you straight people: can you REALLY truly love “the least of these” who are considered outcasts in God’s kingdom? I suspect it’s not HER salvation on the line at all… but yours.

We gay ones are created as we are for a purpose. And that purpose is never limited only to ourselves. You have an opportunity — a huge opportunity — to actually live what “unconditional love” is all about. And I think you are already well on your way to truly living it with your daughter.

If only all parents were as determined to love their gay kids as you are. Sadly, that’s not the experience many of us have. For many of us, at the moment of our life’s greatest crisis — coming to terms with the really hard knowledge that we’re just not like other people — that’s EXACTLY when we need love the very most, and it’s also exactly when many parents choose not to give it.

Take it one day at a time, and just make sure she knows you love and accept her regardless of how her orientation manifests itself in your life. And the more you can act like it is NORMAL for her to have a girlfriend/partner/wife, the more love and peace you will all feel. (I say, act like it’s normal until it IS normal for you!)

I wish you all the very best in this new journey.