by Susan Duviella (brwneyes)
I was born and raised in a Hispanic Pentecostal church in Brooklyn, NY. I've always known that I was different, but kept it to myself. In fact, for a long time, I denied the possibility that I was a lesbian. I even fought anyone who dare call me gay.
For many years I knew that I had been attracted to other women. Even when I dated guys, my eyes would wander as a beautiful woman walked by. But I was a Christian and those feelings were sinful. I continued to live a lie for so long.
Finally, when I was in my early twenties, I could not deny my feelings any more. I confided in a friend and she seemed to understand. We eventually became a closeted couple. We struggled with our relationship because of the teachings we both have learned. We would end the relationship and get back together several times. Finally, we decided to come out to our friends. That was a disaster.
We were shunned from a Christian organization we had belonged to; we were asked to leave our positions in that group; my partner was kicked out of her church, and I was asked to leave the home I shared with four friends.
Friends that I thought loved me, Bible beat me and made me feel like I was the worst of the worst of sinners. I was going to hell. Little did they know, I was already there.
I had nowhere else to go, so I called my family in another state to come and get me. My mom and brother came out to Maryland (where this all took place) and took me back with them to Connecticut (where I now reside). I told my mother what had happened and though she was supportive, she too felt that I was in sin.
I became depressed. I was missing my girlfriend and I was falling away from God. My mom finally told me to live my life the way I want to because I need to be happy regardless of what others thought of me. She said that I could not serve the Lord with an unhappy heart. If there were to be any changes in me, He would make that happen. That was about 16 years ago.
Since then, I had broken up with my first female love and found my second, but first true love of my life. My wife and I have been together 14 years now and going strong. After many years had passed, my wife and I had grown closer to each other and closer to God. We helped start a ministry that eventually became chartered as a church. I was asked to be the Pastor for the kids. After much prayer, I accepted the position. After all, the Pastor knew about me and still asked.
After about a year and a half of building an awesome relationship with the people and the children, something changed. People began to talk and question the Pastor about me and my wife. He couldn't take the heat and decided that he wanted me out. In fact, he did it via email. He let me know that I was to step down as Youth Pastor and no longer attend the church. To top it off, he told me to be the one to tell my family and friends that they were no longer allowed to attend anymore because of their approval of my lifestyle.
After mourning the loss of my position in the church, and the friendships I had built with the children, my mom, in-laws, and friends all agreed that we would start our own ministry. We decided that we would not allow one man's evil to drive us away from the Lord. So, we formed L.I.F.E. Ministry.
Living In Faith Everlasting.
It's been slow growing, but strong. We have been able to bring people to the Lord. People that had never cracked open a Bible or even prayed. This ministry is open to all people. No one is ever turned away. The goal is to simply live our lives the way that Jesus asked us to. To share the good news to all the land, all people, all cultures, etc. To live our lives in love - the love that Christ has for us. It has been a long road and we are just getting started. There are more people getting interested in our ministry. It is not specifically geared to the gay community, nor is it specifically geared toward the straight community. It is geared toward God's children.
I will not hide the fact that I am a lesbian. If the subject comes up, we will speak on it. My first goal is to get people to understand the scripture the way it ought to be read in its original text. (Time, culture, religions, and traditions of the times). By learning the Word properly, it won't be difficult to see the truth in the scriptures and not the lies and homophobic teachings and misuses of scripture.
People will have no choice but to see the fact that we are all God's children. We are all created by Him and for His glory. People will see that we are all the "whosoever" the Bible speaks about.
I have been studying more and more, and I have the ChristianGays.com website to thank for it. It is through this website that I had been given the opportunity to meet really awesome people and receive resources to help me in my studies. I am more confident now in who I am. I no longer feel ashamed for who I am and I know that I am not a mistake, but a child of the living God.
I can't wait to see where this all takes me. I look forward to the ride. I look forward to spreading the love of God and the truth of His love for all of His children. I can probably write more, but I've written so much already.
Thank you, Mary, for this website and for your openness and willingness to listen to the Father. God bless you and all who contribute to this site as it is truly an important part of the lives of those who struggle because of misuse of scripture. Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. When God's got your back, you don't need anyone else. Thank you for the opportunity to share.
God bless all who read this and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. God loves YOU!!! He knows who you are and everything about you. You know what?? He loves you. He made you. God don't make junk!! Seek the truth and you will find it, and you will find peace and joy in your life.
God bless you all. Gotta go now before I write a bigger book.