Spelling Matters

A  young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question…

Do Gays Cause Hurricanes?

Do “Unnatural” Acts Cause Natural Disasters? Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition, recently warned Orlando, Florida, that it was courting natural disaster by allowing gay pride flags to be flown along its streets. “A condition like this will bring about … earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor,” he said, apparently referring to his belief…

Pastoral Candidates

The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for our church leader. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects….

God Hates Shrimp

Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination.  Why stop at protesting gay marriage?  Bring all of God’s law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver’s and Red Lobster.  Yea, even Popeye’s shall be cleansed.  The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We…

Skipping Church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room,…

Starbucks and the Pope

The people at Starbucks managed to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. After the papal blessing, the Starbucks official whispers, “Your Holiness, we have an offer for you.  Starbucks is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread’…

God and Money

“When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.”  “With the price of everything else going up these days, aren’t you glad the Lord hasn’t increased the tithe to 15%?”  “When it comes to giving until it hurts, most people have a very low threshold of pain.” “When it comes to giving, some people…

A Wonderful Giggle!

by Swami Beyondananda Be a fundamentalist. Make sure FUN always comes before the MENTAL. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day…

Questions for Heterosexuals

developed by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D What do you think caused your heterosexuality? When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual? Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? Is is possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

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In Defense of Biblical Marriage (Satire)

by Cindy Scott The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: “Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With many forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God’s Word and His standards will…

Catholic Dictionary

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily                   2. Catholic air conditioning                   3. Your receipt for attending Mass CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync

Seniors – Personal Ads

Some “Senior” personal ads seen in Florida newspapers: (Who says seniors don’t have a sense of humor?) FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4″ (used to be 5’6″), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking…

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Ten Reasons Gay Marriages Are Wrong! (Satire)

1. Homosexuality is not natural. Real people always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning. 2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. 3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may…