Humour

Click Here To View “Humour Posts” With A Short Introduction To Each One

A  young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question…

Do “Unnatural” Acts Cause Natural Disasters? Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition, recently warned Orlando, Florida, that it was courting natural disaster by allowing gay pride flags to be flown along its streets. “A condition like this will bring about … earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor,” he said, apparently referring to his belief…

The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for our church leader. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects….

Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination.  Why stop at protesting gay marriage?  Bring all of God’s law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver’s and Red Lobster.  Yea, even Popeye’s shall be cleansed.  The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We…

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows. Dressed in their white gowns, they came into the chapel with the Mother Superior, and were about to undergo the ceremony to marry them to Jesus, making them “Brides of Christ.” Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes, long sideburns,…

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Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room,…

1.  Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes.     Then she’s yours.  ~ (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2.  Find a prostitute and marry her.  ~ Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

The people at Starbucks managed to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican. After the papal blessing, the Starbucks official whispers, “Your Holiness, we have an offer for you.  Starbucks is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread’…

“When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.”  “With the price of everything else going up these days, aren’t you glad the Lord hasn’t increased the tithe to 15%?”  “When it comes to giving until it hurts, most people have a very low threshold of pain.” “When it comes to giving, some people…

Ice Cream Sexuality – 2:30 minutes This cartoon from Bill Nye Saves the World uses various ice cream flavors as part of a hysterical analogy on the intolerant views of Christians when it comes to sexuality. It starts off with various flavors of ice cream showing up at an “Ice Cream Conversion Therapy” group. Vanilla…

by Swami Beyondananda Be a fundamentalist. Make sure FUN always comes before the MENTAL. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day…

On her radio show recently, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, author unknown. It’s funny, as well as informative: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing…

A Lost Chapter in the Book of Genesis Adam was walking in the garden and cried out to God, “You used to walk with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonely here, and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.” And God said, “I…

developed by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D What do you think caused your heterosexuality? When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual? Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? Is is possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily                   2. Catholic air conditioning                   3. Your receipt for attending Mass CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync

Note from Mary: There are many versions of this story on the internet with different names and schools mentioned. I suspect this is the correct version but have no way of verifying. Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for…

Some “Senior” personal ads seen in Florida newspapers: (Who says seniors don’t have a sense of humor?) FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4″ (used to be 5’6″), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking…

“In a Heartbeat” – Animated Short Film by Beth David and Esteban Bravo – A closeted boy runs the risk of being outed by his own heart after it pops out of his chest to chase down the boy of his dreams. Follow-up – Kids React to the Film – 10:08 minutes